When You Almost Give Up Hope Part I (Day 5 - Hope Against Hope)

There are seasons in life when you want to give up.  When you wonder if hope is worth it.  It exhausts too much energy without seeing any of its fruit.  Logical reasoning points toward dry seasons. Barrenness. Impossibilities.

I wrote about this hard season.  It's incredible what seemingly should take little to no effort turns into being a major feat...for some of us.  This is precisely what we encountered as we tried to conceive.

In the Bible days, women who didn't have children were frowned upon and often ridiculed.  Although I admit society is more accepting now; the sting is still there.  We weren't married for months before the dreaded question was asked, "When are you going to have children?"  I remember confidently answering in the early days of our marriage to these well-intended folks that we wanted to focus on building our marriage first.  True story. A story that at times plagues me today.  Maybe things would've been different had we not decided to wait.

Let's fast forward a bit.  This journey began to feel like a Walk of Shame.  The dreaded question elicited teary eyes that fell uncontrollably.  I felt abandoned.  Forgotten. But I pushed past my feelings.  To a knowing in my inner being.  God is for me.  Friends, I had to let that echo loudly over the sounds of defeat and of failure.

He is for me.  He hears my prayers.  He cares.  These words rang repetitively.

I began to thank Him for this child I have prayed.  I thanked Him for remembering me.

I remember it like it was yesterday in 2008.  My church was on a fast at the start of the new year.  I hadn't eaten for three days and only drank water.  I began to feel very ill.  I thought it was because I needed food.

Little did I know, there was a baby growing inside of me.  We were overjoyed with the news!

Five years into our marriage, we were expecting!  Expecting!  Expecting the arrival of our baby. Expecting to raise our child in the way of the Lord.  Expecting to birth a little one that will remind us of ourselves and be a constant reminder of the goodness of Jesus. Oh, what joy!

I will continue Part II tomorrow.  Have you ever felt like giving up friends? Will you continue with me on this journey?  It's far from over.  Feel free to comment below.

This is Day 5 of a 31 day series of “Hope Against Hope”. To read all of the posts in this series, click here. To read what several other bloggers are writing for the month of October, click here