Thursday, October 29, 2015

Don't Fight Insecurity (Day 29 - Hope Against Hope)

Photo by bound_4_freedom licensed under Creative Commons

I'm feeling a little uneasy tonight as this challenge to write for 31 days is soon to come to an end.  If I can be brutally honest, I feel a little insecure.

It's been years since I knew God was calling me to share my story.  It is my heart to encourage others, especially women.  But it is such a vulnerable place to be transparent and let people in.

I ran from this calling.  I didn't have answers.  I hadn't accepted or made peace with my own story.

Now that this challenge is almost over I second-guess myself.  I want nothing more than to be obedient to God in sharing what He has led me to share.  I want my readers to know whatever trial they face, they don't have to face it alone.  I want God to be pleased with my words.  I don't want readers to focus on my story solely, but to see Him.  To see the One who writes our stories.  And Who lovingly carries us through them.

I've shared my story of losing hope after we lost our precious daughter, Reese Madison.  In the back of my mind, the thoughts make their way in of those reading and following this journey along with me.  This happened eight years ago.  Eight years ago.

Why share now?  Have you given up hope to have another child?  I can hear the questions.

I had to get 'me' out of the way.  My obedience to Him had to be more important.  

Sharing has been overwhelmingly beautiful and essential to my own healing.  I have cried more tears in writing it out than I have in years.

I needed process time.  It is an afflicting, yet anointed work.  The opportunity to look back into my story with a different lens.  I see God in it.  He was at work the entire time.  He is my hope.

We haven't conceived again.  I am still hopeful.  I still long to be called Mommy.  In spite of this, I trust He is writing my story to fulfill His plan for my life.  And it is good.

I know the story isn't over.  I have to write more.  I'm grateful to let you in the deep places of my heart.  I'm grateful for you taking this journey with me.

My insecurities prove I need Him.  I need Him to write truth.  I need Him to guide my words.  I need Him to lead those who need these words to this space.

Have you ever fought feeling insecure?  Insecurity testifies of our humanity.  Rest in Him.  Let Him do all the work.

This is Day 29 of a 31 day series of “Hope Against Hope”. To read all of the posts in this series, click here. To read what several other bloggers are writing for the month of October, click here

1 comment:

  1. Your transparency on Hope Against Hope is opening up the minds of the readers. God is pleased.